Anstsüdas rëuksem / Intermittently pungent

Meü homztstät int nüd-Dorset stenk. Et werkilauk rëak, na metaforits, no intedédh. Et rëak, ax bitseltin tsüdas, ew soch tese és:
  • Dunga: na mol jolressin, pozirul te tstät jist böyayeban ük gaslant, und te bares anstsüdas sprïd skét ohn te lant vor mackten iet mer fruktin
  • Abflatpïpwerk: te stenk ew fuili watar
  • Tor: tïs te mant eri, et wä te stenk ew personü tor wrun t'abflatbihantlinwerkplaz
  • Kaul: moran tsüdas te yura eri, t'ät eri ruck stran ew kaul
  • TCP: an wïla vorvor wen ven anvülta böyäd te tstät, me und ans framkis jolkläzta tes te rëuk ew TCP int t'ät te däi leri wä wrun t'aa tes rin pu te kentra ete tstät
  • Kurri: ven ave an viaskrüsin inte tstät tes rëak oft ew kurri Dhünsdäis. Eörlauk, ven ave an
  • Dr Pepper: rafto te mant eri ans Norwégaz framkis hüta homz int meü, und wen ven kom za ax te homze pasts an däiräiz ven wä slüjan ük an tsnoi rëuk. Me na zicht identiféen iet inek an ew meü gestes biklérta tes iet ruck ew Dr Pepper. Und e wä drüchi: t'ät te vatsind leri ruck ew Dr Pepper. Äng
Meü wuntsliste ew rëukes vor te necht mantes inthü spik, vaniy und firtsmäi gas. Eöx te wether wïl Oktobü jist gut, ï te zestüt te thrents ew item jist sïditsënlauk.

My hometown stinks. No, really, it does.

I mean this, not in the metaphorical, disaffected-youth sense, but in the literal, olfactory sense. It seems that increasingly frequently the air in the town in which I live in north Dorset is suffused with one of a number of unpleasant and pungent odours, not all of which have a rational explanation. Specifically:
  • Manure: the most unsurprising of the smells we are exposed to here, as the town is surrounded by farmland and from time to time the local farmers enrich their pastures by spraying slurry all over them (and often all over the roads too)
  • Drains: on occasion, the evening air is polluted with the miasma of stagnant drains
  • Poo: in definite contrast with the previous two, there have been two occasions this month when late in the afternoon the town was blessed with an overpowering stench of human excrement, presumably due to problems at and/or wind direction from the local sewage works
  • Cabbages: on several occasions this summer, there was a powerful stench of brassicas
  • TCP: a while ago while walking around the town, I and some friends came to the conclusion that the pronounced smell of TCP on the air that day was coming from the river which passes through the town centre
  • Curry: we have a roundabout in the town which often smells of curry on Thursdays. Honestly, we do
  • Dr Pepper: earlier this month some Norwegian friends were staying with me, and as we arrived back at the house from a day trip we were assailed by a curious aroma. I was unable to pin it down, until one of my guests asserted that it smelt of Dr Pepper. And he was right: the air that evening smelt of Dr Pepper. Weird
My wish list of smells for the coming months includes bacon, vanilla, and freshly mown grass. If the weather is good in October, at least the third of those is likely.